Stop being ‘a fossil’ for your child! 5 life hacks for successful communication with your child who has become a teenager.

The author is Victoria Liamets, the owner of the Center for Development of a Child’s Individual Potential FEC 3/7.

Warning! Dangerous age! What should you do? How should you maintain a relationship of trust with a child who will never be the same?

You have heard this a million times. Perhaps you’ve alredy imagined a skull with bones, hanging over the transition period from a child to a teenager. As if a high-voltage power line has been connected to your agreeable home child.

What should you do? How should you maintain a relationship of trust with a child who will never be the same?

Here are some important principles that are based on experience of communication with teenagers during the course on development of stress resistance and empathy. A distinctive feature of the principles is that they were created by the children themselves!!!

  • Parents should spend time with children, sharing interests with each other.

Everyone knows that the interests of a teenager must be respected. How is that? Well, at least stop sticking such labels as ‘unimportant’ and ‘senseless’. Stop using critical tags like ‘good / bad’ or ‘useful / useless. Ultimately, you may also be wrong. Cocaine and radiation were once considered to be useful, and the Beatles and taking bath regarded as harmful. So don’t be that posh, dear adults! Step over the experienced ‘fossil’ that lives within yourself. Show a keen interest in this nonsense (that’s how you probably call interests of your child). You should also recognize the right of teenagers to express themselves in such a way. Yes, of course, this is outrageous. Well, you may be indignant, just a bit later. But at this very moment you’d better put on a smile.

  • Stop your panic!

If you are suspicious that something is wrong with your child, then don’t even think about playing a secret agent. Instead you should ask classmates or their parents to find out if they have noticed something unusual in the behavior of your child. How does he act when he is out? Remember that you should keep your investigation a secret. ‘How come? But what about the promise to be completely honest and open?’. Well, for example, put this principle on a back burner. Do you need honesty or do you need a result?

And one more thing. It is better to make your inquiries remotely, without showing your own anxiety. You don’t need to go to school and ask questions in front of everybody. Don’t spread panic or make a problem out of nothing. Remember that it is a terrible disgrace when ‘fossils’ come to school and make a scandal. Instead, just call a parent of another child and aks an unobtrusive question during a conversation to find out an important information.

  • Do not trust teachers.

Yes, that’s what we do mean. If you discuss your child with teachers, then you should remember that they are often concerned parties.They want to avoid problems and unnecessary hassle. They are afraid that you will create new problems for them while they already have enough troubles to cope with. Therefore, there are many things that teachers can’t or don’t want to say. After all, it may cast doubt on their competence. It is of greater possibility, if your child attends a private school. Such teachers are afraid of losing their place of work, because there are lots of people who would line up at once to have their job.

  • Do not tell children how to live. Be there for them!

When you ask children ‘How are you?’, do not tell that their problems are not important. Here are the typical phrases that kill our children:

‘Adults have more severe problems and they do not complain.’

‘Other children cope with much greater difficulties.’

‘What kind of depression are you talking about?’ or ‘Your classmates? Making fun of you? Do you think it’s a problem? Oh, stop it! Do not pay attention!’

Remember, if children share difficulties with you at this age, they really can’t cope with them alone. They hope to find support. When it doesn’t work, they become reserved and begin to look for their own way out. And these ways may be unpredictable. Well, is that what you really need?

  • The most important thing! Do not push too hard!

This is the most important point that you should always remember and respect. Each of these rules is filled with real life experiences of teenagers and their deep comprehension. Try to look at your children in a new way. You will discover what an important role YOU play in their life!! But it does not mean that children need your protection every second of their life. On the contrary! Give teenagers the right to be themselves. Yes, it is difficult to understand that you will never be as needed as you were five years ago. But that’s the way it is. Children grow up and start living their own life. So let them try it.

Once and for all. Stop being a “fossil”. Beginning with adolescence, become a friend of your child. A friend is the one who knows about all our incompletions, but still accepts us as we are.

The source is the online platform “I. Correspondent”

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